quote
I take the two hot chocolates, slurp the whipped cream from the top of mine, and, as I cross the street, practice in my head what I will say to the man on the corner: Here, or, I got you something, or, Hey, do you want this?
When I reach him, I see frost in his beard.
“I was wondering if you might like a hot chocolate,” I say, extending the cup, which he balances in his dirty, gloved palm.
“Everyone always gets me coffee,” he says. “I don’t even like coffee!”
“Warm and sweet,” I mumble, not knowing what else to say as I look at his crooked glasses and fallen face. His cardboard sign dangles from one hand.
“Warm and sweet,” he echoes.
I turn and walk away, on the verge of tears. For one block the world is completely broken and completely perfect, and I wonder what has happened to me. Why am I buying a homeless man hot chocolate? This isn’t the sort of thing I do. Everything is bright and cold and excruciating and gorgeous. I stop and squeeze my eyes shut. It’s too much, the world rushing in through the cracks. How do people handle this? How do people walk around happy?
When I reach him, I see frost in his beard.
“I was wondering if you might like a hot chocolate,” I say, extending the cup, which he balances in his dirty, gloved palm.
“Everyone always gets me coffee,” he says. “I don’t even like coffee!”
“Warm and sweet,” I mumble, not knowing what else to say as I look at his crooked glasses and fallen face. His cardboard sign dangles from one hand.
“Warm and sweet,” he echoes.
I turn and walk away, on the verge of tears. For one block the world is completely broken and completely perfect, and I wonder what has happened to me. Why am I buying a homeless man hot chocolate? This isn’t the sort of thing I do. Everything is bright and cold and excruciating and gorgeous. I stop and squeeze my eyes shut. It’s too much, the world rushing in through the cracks. How do people handle this? How do people walk around happy?
—
Rachel Yoder, “Awkward Walks With Unavailable Men”
in The Sun, 10.2011
